Why do people have to die? I wish they didn't. I have never lost someone extremely close to me and of course the idea scares me but because I have never had to endure such a loss, in turn I have never had to fully grasp it.
I was thrown into death and dealing with it recently by taking a forensic position that I thought I was completely ready for. It turns out I am just as emotional as I thought, if not more. My mind tends to analyze and over analyze events especially life changing ones. It is not that I do not feel that I am uncapable of doing this job, I know I have the knowledge, I'm working on getting more experience and my reasoning for doing this job is as strong as ever. Do I believe I can do this job forever? Hell no. I do however believe that this job experience will only make me a better police officer but my drive to be a police officer is not just alive, it's thriving more than it ever has.
When I decided that I wanted to be a police officer I felt as though it wasn't even a decision, it was something that I was called to do, born to do. I always said two things. One, I promised my mother I would never let the job change me and in turn I made a promise to myself that I would quit if I thought that the job was jeopardizing who I was and my happiness. Two, I said that if I could choose how to die I wanted to die in the line of duty, protecting someone, an innocent person. I still see the heroic "appeal" but I do not know that I would call it "appeal" anymore. My new thinking is why would I was to die violently, by some punk and put my family through all of the suffering of knowing that some jerk face killed me? No, I want to save all the innocent people I can and live through it with them.
To be continued ...
Friday, October 17, 2008
Because Everyone Dies
1. Never take this life for granted. Literally, it could be gone tomorrow or hours from now or minutes. (You get the idea.)
2. Good people get hurt and no it's not fair.
3. Do what you want to do today. (See number 1.)
4. Take care of yourself. Your health is everything.
5. Be careful who you trust at work. Some people can take the most innocent statement and turn it against you.
6. Have a will.
7. Always tell your loved ones how you feel. If you need to say something don't wait and don't assume they know.
8. Don't put things off. You know that friend you haven't spoken to in forever but you say you'll pick up the phone tomorrow, or next week, or when things slow down? DON'T. That time may not be there. (See number 1... again.)
9. Try to stay positive. Having a negative outlook on life isn't really LIVING... is it?
10. Don't be so busy that you lose who you are. Get on the floor and play with your kids, have that romantic dinner with your husband, meet a friend for coffee, read a book, whatever it is that you want to do but you don't think you have time for, make time for it.(I thought of more...)
11. You know that book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"? They have a good point. Trivial things don't matter when you really get down to it. We have men and women dying overseas, dying in our streets here in America and seemingly healthy people dying for unknown health reasons.
2. Good people get hurt and no it's not fair.
3. Do what you want to do today. (See number 1.)
4. Take care of yourself. Your health is everything.
5. Be careful who you trust at work. Some people can take the most innocent statement and turn it against you.
6. Have a will.
7. Always tell your loved ones how you feel. If you need to say something don't wait and don't assume they know.
8. Don't put things off. You know that friend you haven't spoken to in forever but you say you'll pick up the phone tomorrow, or next week, or when things slow down? DON'T. That time may not be there. (See number 1... again.)
9. Try to stay positive. Having a negative outlook on life isn't really LIVING... is it?
10. Don't be so busy that you lose who you are. Get on the floor and play with your kids, have that romantic dinner with your husband, meet a friend for coffee, read a book, whatever it is that you want to do but you don't think you have time for, make time for it.(I thought of more...)
11. You know that book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"? They have a good point. Trivial things don't matter when you really get down to it. We have men and women dying overseas, dying in our streets here in America and seemingly healthy people dying for unknown health reasons.
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