I don't know why I let these people bother me. Whether it is in my professional or personal life people are always getting to me. I don't know what to do. The advice given to me makes sense, do my job, be pleasant enough and no one can do anything say or do anything. But I am at a loss. I guess it would be different if I was happy with my job in general but I am not. It is a stressful, gruesome job and instead of embracing one another and supporting one another, my co-workers resort to back stabbing and making fun of one another. I hate it.

But Why?

Why do people have to die? I wish they didn't. I have never lost someone extremely close to me and of course the idea scares me but because I have never had to endure such a loss, in turn I have never had to fully grasp it.

I was thrown into death and dealing with it recently by taking a forensic position that I thought I was completely ready for. It turns out I am just as emotional as I thought, if not more. My mind tends to analyze and over analyze events especially life changing ones. It is not that I do not feel that I am uncapable of doing this job, I know I have the knowledge, I'm working on getting more experience and my reasoning for doing this job is as strong as ever. Do I believe I can do this job forever? Hell no. I do however believe that this job experience will only make me a better police officer but my drive to be a police officer is not just alive, it's thriving more than it ever has.

When I decided that I wanted to be a police officer I felt as though it wasn't even a decision, it was something that I was called to do, born to do. I always said two things. One, I promised my mother I would never let the job change me and in turn I made a promise to myself that I would quit if I thought that the job was jeopardizing who I was and my happiness. Two, I said that if I could choose how to die I wanted to die in the line of duty, protecting someone, an innocent person. I still see the heroic "appeal" but I do not know that I would call it "appeal" anymore. My new thinking is why would I was to die violently, by some punk and put my family through all of the suffering of knowing that some jerk face killed me? No, I want to save all the innocent people I can and live through it with them.

To be continued ...

Because Everyone Dies

1. Never take this life for granted. Literally, it could be gone tomorrow or hours from now or minutes. (You get the idea.)

2. Good people get hurt and no it's not fair.

3. Do what you want to do today. (See number 1.)

4. Take care of yourself. Your health is everything.

5. Be careful who you trust at work. Some people can take the most innocent statement and turn it against you.

6. Have a will.

7. Always tell your loved ones how you feel. If you need to say something don't wait and don't assume they know.

8. Don't put things off. You know that friend you haven't spoken to in forever but you say you'll pick up the phone tomorrow, or next week, or when things slow down? DON'T. That time may not be there. (See number 1... again.)

9. Try to stay positive. Having a negative outlook on life isn't really LIVING... is it?

10. Don't be so busy that you lose who you are. Get on the floor and play with your kids, have that romantic dinner with your husband, meet a friend for coffee, read a book, whatever it is that you want to do but you don't think you have time for, make time for it.(I thought of more...)

11. You know that book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"? They have a good point. Trivial things don't matter when you really get down to it. We have men and women dying overseas, dying in our streets here in America and seemingly healthy people dying for unknown health reasons.

It's a bird, It's a Plane.

There is nothing quite like landing in Columbus, Ohio. The rush of excitement and the smile that I notice has crept upon my face. I love this city.

When we first moved here (way back in 1994.) I would not call Columbus home. No sir. Kissimmee, Florida, that was home and I went back home every summer. It wasn't until suddenly, I returned to Ohio from Florida and while in the airport I looked at my Mom and said, "It's good to be home." She was probably shocked, I know I was. Ever since, calling Ohio home has been natural and right.

I landed in Columbus, Ohio Sunday, late at night. I could not help but smile. Just seeing the city lights from the runway were enough to make my stomach flutter. Since recently moving to Virginia I have had a wonderful time in the "Northern South". I have met amazing people, ate some fantastic food and seen some very lovely sights. I have also started the path to my much anticipated career. But I know part of me will always love this state and more so, this city. Yeah, a lot of people cannot drive but I have learned that is true just about everywhere, perhaps it is a different kind of craptastic driving but it is the Buckeye way.

Oh and speaking of Buckeyes. (and not just the candies.) The football! I miss watching an OSU game in this city. This is my first season (that I'm not in college and living elsewhere) not living in Columbus and watching my boys. It's a little bittersweet for me, I am making such great strides in my career and Virginia is the place for me but boy do I miss my fall seasons in Ohio.

I have family still in the city so I will be back, this isn't the last Columbus will see of Heather but it remains a melancholy event, coming back.

But as for my residence and where I belong, Ohio is my past and Virginia is most definitely my bright, shiny future.

Starting My New Life In Virginia. With World Market.

Doormat.

The chicken.

I have wanted these for about a year!

Pretty and simple pitcher.

The big white mugs.

One of each please!

Now I just need to win the lottery.

Starting My New Life In Virginia. With Target.

Soap Dish.

Hooks and Soap Dispenser.

Tissue box and Toothbrush holder

Trash can for my bathroom.

One of these shower curtains with the above accessories.

Cute glassware.

I don't know which of these I would like better in my future living room.

Vases. Too cute!

Cute magazine rack.

I like these tables to match the armoire.

I like the look of an armoire.

I like this style for my living room.

Cute mixing bowls for my new mixer!

I have been wanting one of these for a long time!

Cute mug set I like.

Cute yet simple silverware.

The new dinnerware I have my eye on.

The bed frame I want.

The nightstand I want.

This is the new comforter I want.

I wish I was rich.

Officer Down.

Thursday night, we lost a hero in blue. Detective Phillips was murdered during an undercover operation.

Friday morning, I turned on the news and the first bit I heard was the death of Detective Phillips. His name was not released just that he was a Virginia Beach detective and was conducting an undercover drug operation.

Bobby texted me with his name and a few details.

Today, Bobby texted me photos of the funeral today via a live internet feed. They broke my heart.

After arriving home I turned on the news and Detective Phillips' funeral was being covered. His family, fellow officers and officers from other jurisdictions were all in attendence and the tears were freely flowing; not only from those there but from me, sitting on the couch, wishing I was attending.

Pray for Detective Phillips' family. Virginia Beach, Virginia and the United States has lost a brother in blue.

You can read more information at: http://www.odmp.org/officer/19503-detective-michael-smith-phillips

Detective Phillips may you rest in peace.

Free Giveaway!

A fellow blogger (Out of the Pink Sky) is having a free giveaway! The pendant is beautiful! Sign up by August 13th and you could be the lucky owner of this unique pendant!

Go to: http://www.outofthepinksky.net/cellar_door/

Insomnia

You know, I have never had a problem sleeping until lately. I do not know what the problem is but I am really missing my much needed beauty sleep. I do not believe I have ever tossed and turned as much as I have the past few months and today I woke up around 4:30 am and just could not get back to sleep. I decided I would "Nest" for a bit and here it is 2 hours later. I can hear my sister in law downstairs getting ready for work and I think I will go down and grab a cup of coffee, which means I will be abandoning any hope of getting back to sleep.

Life is fantastic, other than no sleep and no job. Not having a job is stressing me out which could be why I am not having a wonderful time sleeping. Makes sense, right? I interviewed for a forensic technician position with the police department (after failing the physical agility three times for the police officer position, that damn run got me every time!) Even though I went through college stating emphatically that I did not want to be a crime scene technician I was actually very excited about this position and really hoping that I would be hired on. This position was going to give me a chance to get my foot in the door with the department and best of all get me experience and a paycheck. I have been working free of charge for the police department since February 4th. True, most of that was for my college internship but I went above and beyond the needed hours for my internship and continue to volunteer to this day. (although our server is down and therefore I have not been there for a few weeks due to that fact.)

So the interview/oral board went extremely well and I have never felt more confident leaving an interview. I was thanked by the Sergeant for my commitment to the field and was told that commitment was "inspiring". I went from the oral board straight to a two hour test and I thought I nailed that as well. I was told that I would be contacted if I was to move forward in the process. Well guess what? My interview was July 10th and I have not heard anything.

My Dad believes that no one should have even been looked at other than me because of my commitment to the department and although I do not go that far, I do feel a little betrayed. A co-worker of mine (through the internship) also applied and interviewed for the position. She has no experience (which I have limited experience but hands on nonetheless) and an associates in criminal justice. I have a Bachelors of Science in Forensics with a concentration in crime scene investigation. Rumor has it (as of this week) that she was called in for another interview and you guess it, I have not heard jack.

Now, I heard from an extremely reliable source that I was up against three women with Masters degrees, so right there I was not banking on landing this job but last week, when I was told about my co-worker getting another interview I was shocked AND hurt. It seems as though a good ol' boy system has been employed and that just plain pisses me off. But what can I do? Wallow? No. I have applied to every law enforcement agency in Hampton Roads as well as the State Police. We will see what happens and I am re-testing for the physical agility probably this month. There is an academy coming up in October so I really need to gear up to get through the process. I have been running my tail off and I have lost a few pounds but most importantly I have quit smoking, it has been about 2 months now and I think that will really help me shed those 2 seconds that I need to pass the test. That's right, I failed the run by TWO seconds. Tell me how pissed I was.

Well, I think I am due for that cup of coffee.

Good morning to all.